One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
