i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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