i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
