im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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