She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
