so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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