what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
