I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
operation harelip BJ is a go
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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