you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
