my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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