I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
