I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
