The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
