It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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