How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
