apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
