Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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