I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
