i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
