I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
