So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
