Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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