Im at strip club and am horny
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm bleeding and have questions
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
