How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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