I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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