Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
