The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
