just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
