Having a random hookup so left but love u
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
