he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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