i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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