dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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