Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
