just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
