it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
