The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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