We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
