We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just cropdusted the office
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
