I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
