I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
