her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
