He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
