I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
