She is in my trunk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
