I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
