Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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