Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
