I hate your face
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
they need to just BURY HIM!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
