My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
