Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
