So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He? As in you personified your dick?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
