I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
