Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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