She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
